1. |
Barneget Blvd
05:10
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There’s a Barnegat Blvd everywhere and maybe
When this is all over we can find another one
And I’ve been thinking that I don’t wanna live here
Really wanting a god damn adventure
But instead I’m inside doing nothing all day
hope these ideas I have work half as good as I want them to be
Let’s find the Barnegat Blvd in a place that is very far from here
Looks like I’m going alone because no one here is sincere
Easy captain I can’t sail this ship, I think you may be on a bad drug trip
Saying I’m the one you want but you contradict yourself, it’s a crossover
And every time I think this is all over, I’m blinded by this week’s latest disclosure
Let’s find the Barnegat Blvd in a place that is very far from here
Looks like I’ll go alone because no one here is sincere
No one here was ever sincere, that was my constant fear
That I'm going to die alone and I’ll ever be known
And I’ll never no if I’m worth anything because no stayed to see
And if there is a place in world for me
Can someone just show me
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2. |
New Jersey Weather
01:47
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Hey it's raining, no it's not
Got the feeling that change never stops
Poster effect, collecting miskitos
I'll give you a courtesy smile
Get on ground level, feel at home
Fixation on the same few things
More recently, I miss my mom
Don't stop now, a break is fatal
Those things you were hiding
Come out throughout your day, your life
You find no one for confiding
Get down on earth, just feel numb
Fixation on the same few things
Today, I just feel alone
No one ever told me I'd feel like this
Turning 18 just makes your life a mess
I fixate and I can't even cry about it
Maybe someday soon I can kill that habit
My mind is the weather of September
In New Jersey staying the same is a never
I'm glued earth, I don't feel at home
Fixation on the same little things
More recently, I miss my mom
And today I just feel alone
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3. |
I Ruined My Vans
02:08
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My hands are fucked up and I'm feeling pretty rough, don't how to tell me I'm sick of me
It's easy to just pretend that I'm not lying in my bed looking for a sign of something to do
So I lay here some more, knowing that I'm a bore, wondering when I will finally start to see
That this won't work and I'm just a little jerk to myself and I should just be through
And I'm so fucking tired but I can't even sleep
My happiness expired again, it's on repeat
So I took a fucking walk and I ruined my vans
I got mud on my vans hiking January 15th
Not sad there and then but then in the end I was bummed out
I need a winter job or continue to sob by then end of the month be out of gas
Someone hire me, can you even see, that I'll do whatever I can to work
And I'm so fucking tired but I can't even sleep
My happiness expired again, it's on repeat
So I took a fucking walk and I ruined my vans
I got mud on my vans hiking January 15th
Not sad there and then but then in the end I was bummed out
So I took a fucking walk and I ruined my vans
I got mud on my vans hiking January 15th
Not sad there and then but then in the end I was bummed out
I was bummed out
I ruined my vans
I was bummed out
I'm still bummed out
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4. |
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They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away but I don't know if that’s true
And if the early bird really gets the worm then why haven’t I got a clue
And when I knock on wood as I should is luck to me actually due
When life’s a piece of cake, I’m wide awake at 4 am you’ll see me, you will
Oh I’m so, so happy when you’re not around
Oh I’m dancing, smiling, not underground
It feels so good to just hang on out
And I’m so, so happy when you’re not around
I’ve never had much fun, can’t even dye my hair... why, you may ask
I’ve always just been so stupidly scared for reasons soon to pass
But now I wanna go completely crazy the world is my oyster, and vast
This may be a short term mood I’m in right now but here’s to hoping it won’t pass
Hey world get ready for me this minute, I’m getting off my ass
Oh I’m so, so happy when you’re not around
Oh I’m dancing, smiling, not underground
It feels so good to just hang on out
And I’m so, so happy when you’re not around
Oh I’m so, so happy when you’re not around
Oh I’m dancing, smiling, not underground
It feels so good to just hang on out
And I’m so fucking happy when you’re not around
I'm fucking happy when you're not around
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5. |
That's an Ugly Color
03:30
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It’s about time I admit I care more than I lead on
Ponder this for a bit and after time I still can’t admit
That I definitely care and that can't be proved wrong
New information, just making it worse
New ideas, cause my feelings to disperse
And I’m just hoping I’m not cursed
Reference a song to myself I know more than I lead on
Place self-hatred on a shelf, guess what, that doesn’t make it gone
Unwanted wanted feelings, afraid of you
Unwanted garbage dealings, afraid of me too
Turns out this is the norm, the real, the fool
An early bird who is a night owl
Actually, I'm just sleep deprived
Can’t say what it’s about, can’t not express this out
I know how I feel, I hate how I think
It’s small for now, but eventually I'll reach my brink
Oh fuck I’m jealous
Shit I’m jealous
So stupidly jealous
Oh I’m jealous
And it looks bad on me
The color of thought is ugly
Cause I’m jealous
Why am I jealous
Oh I'm jealous
Why am I jealous
That's an ugly color to be
That's an ugly color to be
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6. |
Initiative
03:32
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You ever watch the wick of a candle until you can feel a calmness
Because breathing is stressful and the flame gives you solace
And I’m dreaming too big for my own good
Disappointment would’ve kill me if only it could
And if I can't make it work I don’t want live
I would give my whole self just to take initiative
And the stakes of this state are high
At least that’s all I’ve really seen
All in or all out I definitely buy
Because myself I see the things I want to redeem
You ever cry for hours no end in sight and you wish you could just try
But you have no reason to be polite to yourself but should to get by
And I’m dreaming too big for my own good
Disappointment would’ve kill me if only it could
And if I can't make it work I don’t want live
I would give my whole self just to take initiative
And the stakes of this state are high
At least that’s all I’ve really seen
All in or all out I definitely buy
Because myself I see the things I want to redeem
And if I can't make it work I don’t want live
I would give my whole self just to take initiative
I’m dreaming too big for my own good
Disappointment would’ve kill me if only it could
And if I can't make it work I don’t want live
I would give my whole self just to take initiative
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7. |
One Day to Feel This
02:51
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I think I like you
Too bad you’re just flirting for fun
I’ll admit I was
But suddenly feel at a loss for fun
The world crazy
And I’m sad everyday for everyone
Working so hastily
Trying to please everyone, I just wanna have fun
You make me feel fun, you make me feel full
In a world that’s so empt, a girl can feel so small
But you make me feel big, I wanna feel bigger
And as short term as it is, I hope one day to feel bliss
Because you make me feel fun
You laugh with me
Who knew I had some semblance of humor
You look at me
Who know my existence warranted eyes
Makes me wanna never cry, because smiling never made me feel more alive
You make me feel fun
You make me feel full
In a world that’s so empty
A girl can feel so small
But you make me feel big
I wanna feel bigger
As short term as it is
I hope one day to feel this
But for now, for today
You make me feel
Oh you make me feel
You make me feel fun
And I think I like you
I think I like you
Cause you make me feel fun
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8. |
Bands I Never Liked
04:41
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Just one plan to be just that
One plan then you don’t want it
Pushing me away, yeah it’s okay
I don’t know what to say except don’t stay
Saying things that are false just to get a response back
I was just bored, I was just sad
Wanted to stay with you and listen to bands I never liked
Ready to love them for you but that’s ill-advised
I’m so interested that I don’t even care
What I’ve always wanted cause I thought you were rare
But you’re just as everyone is and now I’m aware
Self-depreciation is a flaw
I am constantly at fault
There is it again I’m me
I need to stop saying sorry
Looking up to people in that state
Unapologetic and choose their fate
And I just say false words to compensate, for all of this self hate
I’m boring, I’m sad
Wanted to stay with you, listen to bands I never liked
Ready to love them for you but that’s ill-advised
I’m so interested that I don’t even care
What I’ve always wanted cause I thought you were rare
Wanted to stay with you, listen to bands I never liked
Ready to love them for you but that’s ill-advised
I’m so interested that I don’t even care
What I’ve always wanted cause I thought you were rare
But you’re just as everyone is and now I’m aware
Of course you’re bored, I’m not myself
You don’t know me and I won’t let it out
Saying I think shit I never cared about
Why would you want a girl made of self-doubt
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dorks for days New Jersey
Songs I wrote and recorded on my phone haha. It's acoustic right now I'm hoping to add more instruments in the future!
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