1. |
The Disinclined Rebel
05:11
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Long lost love I never had,
don’t let your dreams make you sad
The future is what you make it
If you love someone just come out and say it
No one ever said it enough to me
So now I always no matter feel lonely
I’d play guitar all night if I could
It’s the only thing making me feel understood
Friendships always seem to shatter
and I’m left out of the closet chatter
They like me to a certain level
But they have their go to people,
Refer to I, as the disinclined, rebel.
I apologize I’m automatically alone
Don’t know when this become all I’d ever known
Someone how I came in some sort of fear
And feeling like this turns life to smears
Who do I have at the end of the day
When I come home and no one stays
I had to say goodbye for them bittersweet
But for me just invariably incomplete
I’d play guitar all night if I could
It’s the only thing making me feel understood
Friendships always seem to shatter
and I’m left out of the closet chatter
They like me to a certain level
But they have their go to people,
I’d play guitar all night if I could
It’s the only thing making me feel understood
Friendships always seem to shatter
and I’m left out of the closet chatter
They like me to a certain level
But they have their go to people,
Refer to I, as the disinclined, rebel.
Refer to I, as the disinclined, rebel...
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2. |
I Don't Know
04:29
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I'm constantly bum barred with reasons to frown
I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t be around
You know why do I keep doing this to myself
It doesn’t seemed to help me or anyone else
I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know
I constantly feel like I need to make a change
But without life that way it would be strange
Because if I’m who I am who is anyone else
If I’m who I am the who the hell is myself
I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know
You ask me the questions but I have no reply
So my mind immediately decides goodbye
I wave in tears wishing I didn’t have to go
But I cannot be here if I don't know
And I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know
I don’t know, I don’t know
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3. |
Horrible Person
03:09
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I’m looking for someone to save me now
If only there was a person that knew how
All I’ve done is breathe this sick dying air
Wishing somehow that I would no longer care
Doubt and betrayal dance through me
The horrible person only I knew I could be
I already know going into this
That you’re the only one with this wish
tricking me beyond repair
Making me stop to care
Compulsions to maintain your happiness
Only force myself into sadness
I’m looking for someone to save me now
Is there anyone that could ever know how
I wish for clearer and breathable air
For me to no longer have to care
Guilt portrays my dutiful sad future
If only guilt-relief had a teacher
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4. |
Plastic Bottled Water
03:00
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Plastic bottled water, Disposable yet reusable
A tasty morning starter, so very attainable
But time moves further, Rotting and unusable
You realize one day, you’ll have to throw it away
keep wishing for that day to never come upon you
Used to drink it forever but it’s really unhealthy
Because when plastic rots down, It becomes deadly
Over using it doesn’t help, You just need a new one
And that… Is how I feel about you
Once I realized what was healthy,
I gladly threw you out
Not even getting a new one,
Because that one will just rot down
It’s time for me to buy a cup,
Because I’m not dealing with your bullshit no more,
God I hated this for so long
Now I’m so fucking glad its gone,
Because that bottle is breaking down
Time to recycle that shit,
It’s not my problem now.
And that is… how I feel about you
Once I realized what was healthy,
I gladly threw you out
Not even getting a new one,
Because that one will just rot down
It’s time for me to buy a cup,
Because I’m not dealing with your bullshit no more,
God I hated this for so long
Now I’m so fucking glad its gone,
Because that bottle is breaking down
Time to recycle that shit,
It’s not my problem now.
You're not my problem now.
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5. |
I'm Nothing
04:36
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I tried so hard to do it
I tried to get through it
I knew it felt wrong
I knew I shouldn’t keep on
But I believed that if I did enough
I’d get you to feel like this was luck
But I’dve don anything, anything
Just to get your smile
I’dve done anything, anything
Just to stay awhile
I’m aware you just want me to go
But I can’t cause I finally know
I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing at all
I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing but gone
I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing at all
I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing but gone
I’m so sick of feeling this stupid thought
I need to say everything that I really want
I felt so many things for a stupid lie
And now I’ll never even get to say hi
Too bad I may never turn out to be enough
Cause my brain is full of all this stuff
And as it turns out you were always something
And I am forever nothing
I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing at all
I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing but gone
I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing at all
I’m nothing
Nothing
Nothing but gone
Nothing but gone
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6. |
Give Up Now
03:08
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Pondering how often I decide on silence
Speaking my voice had only resulted in violence
When will I know whether it’s all gone for good
Can It be over or do I just wish that it could
We already know that I need to give up on this
But something about it makes me not to dismiss
So don’t, don’t, give up, just yet
As sit all alone in the corner of my bedroom
Dimmed lights far away but ready to bloom
Maybe if say goodbye to you finally and forever
the lights will come and end this ever-pending endeavor
longing for a light to not be one but one together
But if I don’t give up, there won’t be any light ever
So I should, should, give up, now
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7. |
A Slice Of Bread
04:00
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It’s coming to be just over 45 hours
Since I ate even a small little thing
I haven’t felt hungry until just now
It’s 12 AM and I’m starving
My throat is dry, my lips feel weak
It’s dark in here and I’m aching
Getting up for sustenance
As I stand my legs are shaking
open my fridge as soon as I can
I look around and the first thing I see
Is bread, I take out a slice
And I just eat it like that clean
I wanna sob but I don’t have the energy...
didn’t I realize earlier that I was hungry
My stomach is empty and crying at me
My body hurts but it took so long to notice
It’s time to force myself to fully focus
Look for more food and grab water
It’s time to hopefully feel a little better...
always done this who knows why
I wish I could say I’ve stopped
But in all honesty, I haven’t
An unending habit I’ve adopt
I don’t think I mean to do this
At least not anymore
Except now I eat in small bits
I’ve lost hunger’s lore
I just don’t feel it for long times
It can range from hours to days
And long termly I feel like crap
Will I ever just change these ways
I wanna sob but I don’t have the energy...
didn’t I realize earlier that I was hungry
My stomach is empty and crying at me
My body hurts but it took so long to notice
It’s time to force myself to fully focus
Look for more food and grab water
It’s time to hopefully feel a little better...
I’m feeling nauseous, as I always am
Starving myself because I guess I can
Feeling ugly until I make myself sick
Trying to cope, trying to cope quick...
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8. |
Now I'm Crying
02:28
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Why do I feel so alone
In a place where nobody's gone
I felt so great early in the day
And suddenly I don't feel okay
Erasing
Everything
It's Impossible to gain
To maintain
Now I'm crying
And I feel like hiding
Where is the ending
Of this horrible gaming
Because I don't wanna play
No words to say
State of mind
I want to find
My psychotic sober
And make it over
Feel emotion
Have it spoken
It's Impossible to gain
To maintain
Why do I feel so alone
In a place where nobody's gone
I felt so great early in the day
And suddenly I don't feel okay
Now I'm crying
And I feel like hiding
Where is the ending
Of this horrible gaming
Because I don't wanna play
No words to say
Now I'm crying
And I feel like hiding
Where is the ending
Of this horrible gaming
Because I don't wanna play
No words to say
Because now I'm crying
And I feel like hiding
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9. |
No One Cares Anymore
04:33
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Freshman year an irrelevant dilemma
Texted back and forth for hours for nothing
I cry, you cry we feel everything for seemingly forever
Sophomore year new but same issue
Called and talked about these frivolous complaints
I thought I felt one way, you felt one way but we had not a clue
What I felt, what you felt, what they felt
The thoughts were there, you’d care, they’d care
It was too long, should’ve been gone, but it wasn’t
Junior year didn’t let it go I felt it
Lasted too long for common known repair
It should’ve just gone, I should’ve gone but it wasn’t deliberate
Senior year it was gone development
Was there halfway but now astray
It lasted so long, too long for normal humans to demonstrate
What I felt, what you felt, what they felt
The thoughts were there, you’d care, they’d care
It was too long, should’ve been gone, but it wasn’t
Call you up, you don’t care, but you’ll listen
Called me, you speak I don’t care, but I’ll listen
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10. |
A Place To Be
03:24
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I like to sit and listen to my guitar sing
When I’m tired of the baggage that life brings
And if I had just a small ouch of a chance
Maybe dreams could find their place to advance
I’m really longing for belonging
So lost in a constant state of wondering
Can I just know where and how
That I get past how I’m feeling right now
If I ever find a place to be
Would have to wonder anymore
And if this was the end for me
Would anyone even say it
Because oddly the say they need me
I really want to find my way through the world
listening as the sound makes my emotions uncurl
But there’s nowhere I belong in this place
This long abyss that I’m supposed to find space
I’m confused as I glance all that’s around
Shocked at the people who have life found
Anyone who has discovered and gotten their dreams
One day I hope to even begin to succeed
If I ever find a place to be
Would have to wonder anymore
And if this was the end for me
Would anyone even say it
Because oddly the say they need me
But was I supposed to end it all?
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11. |
An Apple a Day
02:36
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They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away
But I don't know if that’s true
And if the early bird get the worm
Then why haven’t I got a clue
And when I knock on wood like I should
Is luck actually to me due
When life’s a piece of cake, I’m wide awake
4am you’ll see me you will
Oh I’m so so happy when you’re not around
Oh I’m dancing, smiling, not underground
It’s feels so good to just hang on out
And wow I’m so so happy when you’re not around
I’ve never drank, smoked or even dyed my hair
Why? You now ask
I’ve always just been so stupidly scared
For reasons soon to pass
But now I want to go just completely crazy
The world is my oyster, and vast
This may be a short term mood I’m in right now
Here’s to hoping it won’t pass
Hey world get ready for me this minute
I’m getting off my ass
Oh I’m so so happy when you’re not around
Oh I’m dancing, smiling, not underground
It’s feels so good to just hang on out
And wow I’m so so happy when you’re not around
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dorks for days New Jersey
Songs I wrote and recorded on my phone haha. It's acoustic right now I'm hoping to add more instruments in the future!
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