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Loner

by dorks for days

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1.
The Disinclined Rebel 05:11
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Long lost love I never had, don’t let your dreams make you sad The future is what you make it If you love someone just come out and say it No one ever said it enough to me So now I always no matter feel lonely I’d play guitar all night if I could It’s the only thing making me feel understood Friendships always seem to shatter and I’m left out of the closet chatter They like me to a certain level But they have their go to people, Refer to I, as the disinclined, rebel. I apologize I’m automatically alone Don’t know when this become all I’d ever known Someone how I came in some sort of fear And feeling like this turns life to smears Who do I have at the end of the day When I come home and no one stays I had to say goodbye for them bittersweet But for me just invariably incomplete I’d play guitar all night if I could It’s the only thing making me feel understood Friendships always seem to shatter and I’m left out of the closet chatter They like me to a certain level But they have their go to people, I’d play guitar all night if I could It’s the only thing making me feel understood Friendships always seem to shatter and I’m left out of the closet chatter They like me to a certain level But they have their go to people, Refer to I, as the disinclined, rebel. Refer to I, as the disinclined, rebel...
2.
I Don't Know 04:29
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I'm constantly bum barred with reasons to frown I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t be around You know why do I keep doing this to myself It doesn’t seemed to help me or anyone else I don’t know, I don’t know I don’t know, I don’t know I constantly feel like I need to make a change But without life that way it would be strange Because if I’m who I am who is anyone else If I’m who I am the who the hell is myself I don’t know, I don’t know I don’t know, I don’t know I don’t know, I don’t know I don’t know, I don’t know You ask me the questions but I have no reply So my mind immediately decides goodbye I wave in tears wishing I didn’t have to go But I cannot be here if I don't know And I don’t know, I don’t know I don’t know, I don’t know I don’t know, I don’t know I don’t know, I don’t know
3.
Horrible Person 03:09
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I’m looking for someone to save me now If only there was a person that knew how All I’ve done is breathe this sick dying air Wishing somehow that I would no longer care Doubt and betrayal dance through me The horrible person only I knew I could be I already know going into this That you’re the only one with this wish tricking me beyond repair Making me stop to care Compulsions to maintain your happiness Only force myself into sadness I’m looking for someone to save me now Is there anyone that could ever know how I wish for clearer and breathable air For me to no longer have to care Guilt portrays my dutiful sad future If only guilt-relief had a teacher
4.
Plastic Bottled Water 03:00
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Plastic bottled water, Disposable yet reusable A tasty morning starter, so very attainable But time moves further, Rotting and unusable You realize one day, you’ll have to throw it away keep wishing for that day to never come upon you Used to drink it forever but it’s really unhealthy Because when plastic rots down, It becomes deadly Over using it doesn’t help, You just need a new one And that… Is how I feel about you Once I realized what was healthy, I gladly threw you out Not even getting a new one, Because that one will just rot down It’s time for me to buy a cup, Because I’m not dealing with your bullshit no more, God I hated this for so long Now I’m so fucking glad its gone, Because that bottle is breaking down Time to recycle that shit, It’s not my problem now. And that is… how I feel about you Once I realized what was healthy, I gladly threw you out Not even getting a new one, Because that one will just rot down It’s time for me to buy a cup, Because I’m not dealing with your bullshit no more, God I hated this for so long Now I’m so fucking glad its gone, Because that bottle is breaking down Time to recycle that shit, It’s not my problem now. You're not my problem now.
5.
I'm Nothing 04:36
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I tried so hard to do it I tried to get through it I knew it felt wrong I knew I shouldn’t keep on But I believed that if I did enough I’d get you to feel like this was luck But I’dve don anything, anything Just to get your smile I’dve done anything, anything Just to stay awhile I’m aware you just want me to go But I can’t cause I finally know I’m nothing Nothing Nothing at all I’m nothing Nothing Nothing but gone I’m nothing Nothing Nothing at all I’m nothing Nothing Nothing but gone I’m so sick of feeling this stupid thought I need to say everything that I really want I felt so many things for a stupid lie And now I’ll never even get to say hi Too bad I may never turn out to be enough Cause my brain is full of all this stuff And as it turns out you were always something And I am forever nothing I’m nothing Nothing Nothing at all I’m nothing Nothing Nothing but gone I’m nothing Nothing Nothing at all I’m nothing Nothing Nothing but gone Nothing but gone
6.
Give Up Now 03:08
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Pondering how often I decide on silence Speaking my voice had only resulted in violence When will I know whether it’s all gone for good Can It be over or do I just wish that it could We already know that I need to give up on this But something about it makes me not to dismiss So don’t, don’t, give up, just yet As sit all alone in the corner of my bedroom Dimmed lights far away but ready to bloom Maybe if say goodbye to you finally and forever the lights will come and end this ever-pending endeavor longing for a light to not be one but one together But if I don’t give up, there won’t be any light ever So I should, should, give up, now
7.
A Slice Of Bread 04:00
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It’s coming to be just over 45 hours Since I ate even a small little thing I haven’t felt hungry until just now It’s 12 AM and I’m starving My throat is dry, my lips feel weak It’s dark in here and I’m aching Getting up for sustenance As I stand my legs are shaking open my fridge as soon as I can I look around and the first thing I see Is bread, I take out a slice And I just eat it like that clean I wanna sob but I don’t have the energy... didn’t I realize earlier that I was hungry My stomach is empty and crying at me My body hurts but it took so long to notice It’s time to force myself to fully focus Look for more food and grab water It’s time to hopefully feel a little better... always done this who knows why I wish I could say I’ve stopped But in all honesty, I haven’t An unending habit I’ve adopt I don’t think I mean to do this At least not anymore Except now I eat in small bits I’ve lost hunger’s lore I just don’t feel it for long times It can range from hours to days And long termly I feel like crap Will I ever just change these ways I wanna sob but I don’t have the energy... didn’t I realize earlier that I was hungry My stomach is empty and crying at me My body hurts but it took so long to notice It’s time to force myself to fully focus Look for more food and grab water It’s time to hopefully feel a little better... I’m feeling nauseous, as I always am Starving myself because I guess I can Feeling ugly until I make myself sick Trying to cope, trying to cope quick...
8.
Now I'm Crying 02:28
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Why do I feel so alone In a place where nobody's gone I felt so great early in the day And suddenly I don't feel okay Erasing Everything It's Impossible to gain To maintain Now I'm crying And I feel like hiding Where is the ending Of this horrible gaming Because I don't wanna play No words to say State of mind I want to find My psychotic sober And make it over Feel emotion Have it spoken It's Impossible to gain To maintain Why do I feel so alone In a place where nobody's gone I felt so great early in the day And suddenly I don't feel okay Now I'm crying And I feel like hiding Where is the ending Of this horrible gaming Because I don't wanna play No words to say Now I'm crying And I feel like hiding Where is the ending Of this horrible gaming Because I don't wanna play No words to say Because now I'm crying And I feel like hiding
9.
No One Cares Anymore 04:33
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Freshman year an irrelevant dilemma Texted back and forth for hours for nothing I cry, you cry we feel everything for seemingly forever Sophomore year new but same issue Called and talked about these frivolous complaints I thought I felt one way, you felt one way but we had not a clue What I felt, what you felt, what they felt The thoughts were there, you’d care, they’d care It was too long, should’ve been gone, but it wasn’t Junior year didn’t let it go I felt it Lasted too long for common known repair It should’ve just gone, I should’ve gone but it wasn’t deliberate Senior year it was gone development Was there halfway but now astray It lasted so long, too long for normal humans to demonstrate What I felt, what you felt, what they felt The thoughts were there, you’d care, they’d care It was too long, should’ve been gone, but it wasn’t Call you up, you don’t care, but you’ll listen Called me, you speak I don’t care, but I’ll listen
10.
A Place To Be 03:24
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I like to sit and listen to my guitar sing When I’m tired of the baggage that life brings And if I had just a small ouch of a chance Maybe dreams could find their place to advance I’m really longing for belonging So lost in a constant state of wondering Can I just know where and how That I get past how I’m feeling right now If I ever find a place to be Would have to wonder anymore And if this was the end for me Would anyone even say it Because oddly the say they need me I really want to find my way through the world listening as the sound makes my emotions uncurl But there’s nowhere I belong in this place This long abyss that I’m supposed to find space I’m confused as I glance all that’s around Shocked at the people who have life found Anyone who has discovered and gotten their dreams One day I hope to even begin to succeed If I ever find a place to be Would have to wonder anymore And if this was the end for me Would anyone even say it Because oddly the say they need me But was I supposed to end it all?
11.
An Apple a Day 02:36
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They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away But I don't know if that’s true And if the early bird get the worm Then why haven’t I got a clue And when I knock on wood like I should Is luck actually to me due When life’s a piece of cake, I’m wide awake 4am you’ll see me you will Oh I’m so so happy when you’re not around Oh I’m dancing, smiling, not underground It’s feels so good to just hang on out And wow I’m so so happy when you’re not around I’ve never drank, smoked or even dyed my hair Why? You now ask I’ve always just been so stupidly scared For reasons soon to pass But now I want to go just completely crazy The world is my oyster, and vast This may be a short term mood I’m in right now Here’s to hoping it won’t pass Hey world get ready for me this minute I’m getting off my ass Oh I’m so so happy when you’re not around Oh I’m dancing, smiling, not underground It’s feels so good to just hang on out And wow I’m so so happy when you’re not around

about

These are all demos I recorded on my phone.

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released March 24, 2020

My martin and epiphone acoustic guitars :)

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dorks for days New Jersey

Songs I wrote and recorded on my phone haha. It's acoustic right now I'm hoping to add more instruments in the future!

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